Chit Chat

Compiled by Neha Kamran

We could all use a laugh these days, everyone will agree. Ink brings you something to make your day brighter!

• A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, and then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”
• What kind of murderer has moral fibre?” — “A cereal killer.”

• Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” “I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” exclaims Watson. “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

“Watson, you idiot!” he exclaims, “Somebody’s stolen our tent!”

• Texan: “Where are you from?”
  Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
  Texan: “Okay – where are you from, jackass?”

• Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them.

“How are you going to travel on a single ticket?” asked a lawyer.

“Wait and watch,” answered one of the engineers.

They boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the three engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet door and asked, “Ticket please.” The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved on. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip. It was soon time to return- when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their astonishment, the engineers didn’t buy any.

“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” asked one of the perplexed lawyers.

“Wait and watch,” answered an engineer.

In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another one nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, “Ticket, please.”

• A boy says to mother, “I’ve decided to stop studying”.

“How come?” asked the mother.

“I heard that that someone was shot dead, because he knew too much”.

• Quentin was practising the violin in the living room, while his father was trying to read. The family dog was at present too, and, upon hearing the screeching sounds, began to howl. Johnny’s father listened to the dog and the violin for as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his newspaper on the floor and yelled, “For God’s sake, can’t you play something the dog doesn’t know?”

• An eager young man enters the office of his prospective boss for an interview,

The boss says, “One thing our company is very particular about is cleanliness. I hope you wiped your shoes on the doormat while coming in?”

“Yes, sir,” the young man replies promptly.

Back comes the rejoinder, “One more thing we’re very particular about is honesty. There is no doormat outside!”

• A large notice in a shop window announces a big sale, with sweeping reductions, starting at 9 a.m. An enormous queue starts to form by 7-30 a.m. Just before the shop was due to open, an inconspicuous little man walks to the head of the queue. Angry women elbow and push him until he is right at the back of the line. Undaunted, the little man goes to the head of the queue once more. Again, he is shoved unceremoniously to the back, this time with a few smacks on the face and a couple of thumps from umbrellas wielded by angry women. The little man walks to one side of the queue and says, “If that’s your attitude, I won’t open the shop at all today.”

• A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
  The boy asked, “What is this Father?”
  The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I do not know what it is.”
  While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a portly old lady moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
  They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
  Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous twenty-year-old blond stepped out.
  The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, “Go get your mother.”

• Q. What goes black white black white black white?
  Ans. A penguin rolling down a hill!
  Q. What’s black and white and laughing?
  Ans. The penguin who pushed him!

CHIT CHAT
With Umaid Shakeel of Revelation Inc.

1. How difficult was it managing the Cannes Lions’ event in Lahore?

It was not difficult at all, but since we’re based in Karachi, it allows for more personal interaction when we hold events in Karachi itself. Sometimes participants want to know more details and they’re able to come and meet us beforehand. For the Lahore event, everything was done through email and telephone calls and – as happens in Karachi – we received requests from participants who wanted to meet us face to face, but that wasn’t possible, and that was the only problem we faced. Continue